What recovery looks like

Almost every client walking into my office this week is tired. I’m feeling it too. What is it? Well it isn’t the same for each of my clients but similar in that we are recovering. And you know, it’d be nice to get a big snow storm to slow it all down a bit. Stay with me, I know snow is a pain for us all in the city, but hear me out.

Me? I’m recovering from a very busy December and the heartache of missing my family over the holidays, I was raised Christian. You’d think after so many years missing my family would be easier but actually for me it’s getting harder. There have also been people I’ve lost along the way, through deaths and breakups, all the feels come up during the holidays. Recovery requires feeling through the feels.

Several of my patients are recovering from colds and flus that just won’t quit. They’ve been sick since before the holidays. It’s a rough time of year for so many of us. Financially, emotionally and physically draining. The ups and downs in the weather hasn’t helped this season. A fade into the cold weather, though hard to accept for some, is actually a better ride for our immune systems. Recovery requires stability.

The flux in hot and cold is very confusing. Toss in the overly burdened schedule of December and we create the perfect storm for our bodies to get run down. It’s not till about now, mid-January, that we are finally finding time to rest. And even then, it can take an act of Goddess to ensure we take some time off. Hopefully that act is a snow storm and not pneumonia. Recovery requires slowing down.

Pneumonia is no joke. We are conditioned in this culture, especially the city to be burning the candle at both ends and trying to invent a third and set that on fire also! Our bodies generally do us the favour of sending warning calls but December is that one time of the year when family, work and social obligations are much louder and more demanding. Recovery requires listening to our body.

With all the gatherings, grief, gripping cold we also tend to overuse substances. Sugar, maybe not surprisingly, is at the top of the list. Over eating and over drinking and drugs (legal and otherwise), are big on the lists of mentions of my clients and I am guilty too of the decadence of food. It’s been a few weeks now and my system is just getting back on line. Getting back to my optimum diet, schedule and intake of water has regulated my body and calmed my mind. Recovery requires cleaning up your routine. 

Mixing and mingling can be overwhelming and taxing on the physical, emotional and mental bodies. It’s nice to get back into a regular groove. Sticking to a schedule and including self-care in that time. Getting back to basics with sleep, exercise and down time helps build the immunity and settle the nervous system. Recovery requires simplifying. 

Nothing better reminds us that we have no control and of the basics of survival than an act of nature. Incredibly devastating fires in Australia, my heart goes out to you all. Here in Canada we are overwhelmed sometimes by blankets of snow and cold, or as the Avalon Peninsula of Newfoundland would have it, one of the greatest blizzards of all time, avalanches included. Under these conditions we are truly forced to stay inside and calm the fuck down about all the things we cannot do. Cause you know what, life is precious. Sometimes it takes a snowstorm to help us figure it out. To count our blessings, to rest in our fortunes, to stay warm and rested. Recovery requires gratitude.

Sometimes recovery can only come after we’ve had to experience hardship and devastation, we’ve hit rock bottom or are at the end of our rope. We come to understand we really have  control that we are being dragged along and mostly just trying to keep it together while keeping up with the Kardashians. We all live our life by design. We don’t have don’t have to be broke, hungover for a week,  experience extreme anxiety or require a snow storm to get there.

Feeling tired is a symptom. Recovery is a choice. 

These dark days of forced light

So far this week I have around me five deaths; a family member, patents family, family & friends of friends. Friends and family also struggling with some big deal health conditions, in and out of hospital. It’s also a time of year when people take their own lives or begin a season of binge drinking, eating and faux holiday cheer as the bills pile up and expectations are ramped. Adding pressure on top of pressure. Boom

Happy Holidays.

I’m not trying to be the Grinch here. I just want to shed light on the struggles of so many of us have over this season. It’s not all eggnog & mistletoe. I know, I don’t need to tell you that. You’re human too. 

But none of us really like that part; do we? Being human, with all the feels. We want to be comfortable with the ho ho hos and the jingle bells and the deck the halls. It’s embarrassing when we can’t get into the holiday spirit and sometimes it makes other people uncomfortable. It’s a full time job, maintaining the status quo. It’s like when you choose to not have a drink or a piece of rum cake but there’s that one friend that just really thinks you should, you deserve it, it’s Christmas for Christ’s sakes!

It’s a shame really.

It’s the forced cheer, treats, joy & holiday spirit that are exactly what makes us feel awful in the moment, or the next day or with every jingle that sparks a memory of those we’ve lost and moments we’ve never ever had. 

Still, there’s something about the season that lies beneath the consumerism, the big show of tinsel and ornamental clutter. There is a genuine desire to be kind, to come together, to hold each other through the darkest days and share the light together. It’s a beautiful intention. 

Can we grieve and feel joy at the same time? 

I really believe we can. I believe we don’t need to force the merry & bright. If we don’t feel it, I believe there can still be room at the inn for every feeling and we needent have to all jolly if it isn’t how it is. So, how do we take care of ourselves & each other over these dark days? 

Let them be. Let the grief come out if it needs to. Tell your pal who you know is struggling that he can miss your party but maybe you guys can have a coffee in the week. Or maybe even though she’s feeling low she can still come and find a cozy corner and feel the glow and take in whatever comfort she is willing and able to. Community is still so important.

Because we allow the darkness in doesn’t mean we are denying the light. Allowing the darkness to find it’s fullness of expression actually gives us a chance to get closer to the brighter other side. Darkness, pain, when denied can swallow you from the inside out. When we allow it to come fully, welcome it’s presence and accept it as a part of us, that is the magic that allows transformation to the other side. The full spectrum of our humanity arises when we allow ourselves s to be seen for who/how we truly are/feel. We create the space/compassion that makes peace on earth possible for all of us.

Happy Holidays.

Have you ever been so wrong?

Got involved with someone who really wasn’t right for you? Started a job that wasn’t anything like you expected it to be? Joined a community of people that you realized were so far from your centre of personal, professional and political values? 

I’ve been there. I got there because in the beginning I believed in it. I really believed it was right for me. And I chased it hard. Ran face and eyes into it. Once I got there, in the middle of it all, I woke up one day to realize I was wrong. And not just a little off, but wrong. Like ‘holy fuck what am I doing here’ wrong!

You know what happens then don’t you? I mean if you’ve been here you know what happens.

You start in with the self-doubt, depreciation, blame, shame and fear that you can never be trusted again. I mean, how could you have made such a bad decision, had such poor judgement, let yourself get so lost!? Gawd, we are so hard on ourselves aren’t we?

Were we so wrong tho? There was something calling us there, maybe it was delusion but it was something that we choose to give our attention to. And there is something greatly learned, or can be, by giving of ourselves, even if it doesn’t work out in the end.  

What we choose to pay attention to is determined by so many things; our dreams and ambitions, our fear of lack and isolation, our past traumas and conditionings that we have not been able to see or heal, yet.  

And here is the thing. Every romantic tantrum, every toxic workplace and every soul sucking community can all lead us toward a life that is more empowered and joyfully aligned. If we let it.

We allow our life to align more with our deepest sense of self and what’s good when we begin practices of self-love and compassion. We can then take responsibility for our choices, especially those that don’t work out. It’s easy to blame the other or ourselves and blame is really not helpful when it comes to taking responsibility. Taking responsibility looks like acknowledging your hurts, your dreams, your lessons learned and your desire to keep growing and acting in that direction. 

You can also beat the shit out of yourself and learn to hate and mistrust people and life and overall be miserable. It’s a well worn path, there’s lots of company in the land of the status quo.

Or you can wrap yourself in a blanket of forgiveness, self-love and compassion and decide to take the night off to be sad that it didn’t work out and pick yourself up the next day and try again. Knowing full well you may be wrong again someday, that is to say, you may again find yourself in a situation that you realize isn’t right for you. From there, well, you know what to do. 

 Keep on keeping on my friends. You are a child of the universe, doing your best and loved every step along the way.